It's been more than 100 days since the departure of my beloved mother. I feel like a time traveller! Most of the time I can only travel from the present to the past. Occasionally can travel to the future but as we all know, the future is always very uncertain. There are time we can "predict" the future. These are called projected outcome. More like a self-fulfilling prophesy rather than seeing into the future. The rules of this time travel game is simple. You can go back to the past but cannot change it. You can go to the future but you can change it to some point. I remember Uncle Lee Kim told me that 10% of the time, you cannot change things. But 90% of the time you can choose to react to the situation, change things, express, slow down, etc. So we have some autonomy in our lives rather than leaving to fate, destiny, luck etc. Unfortunately, we cannot change things in the past, as the Buddha taught us about life in general. We cannot really change the future either as it has not come and things change as time goes by. We have to live in the present, cherishing the ones still alive and living life to the fullest as we do not know when the end will come! Working with the sick and dying give me a valuable perspective on life. Experiencing death of a loved one also changed my opinion and outlook in life.
One thing we can always look forward in life is hope for a better future, honour the dead for their sacrifices as without them, there is no us in the present and maybe no future for our future generations!
Live for nothing, die for something! (Rambo IV)

It's been about 3 months plus since the death of my beloved mother. It's a strange feeling, very foreign to encounter this feeling. I went back to KL for the tombstone placement (as the eldest in the family) and I felt the loss. For the first time, going back to KL/PJ not seeing my mother in her bed/house but seeing her in a new place ie Nilai Memorial Park. Life definately is not the same! It's different, it's not usual, it's unbelievable but it is the fact, the fact of life that we cannot run away from! I remember Dr.Butler told me that it's always there, the feeling of loss! No matter what you do, where you go, in space or in a different planet, it's not going away. The fact is she's gone, and you are not going to see her for a very very long time, perhaps never in this coming lifetime or the next. Is it fair or unfair, that begs the question. It's hard luck and we have to deal with it.

When I got back to KL, the story didn't end there. It's only the beginning of another journey in life. Funerals are meant to be a time for us to recollect the good memories about the deceased. There are many different funeral practices. Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Hindu and Muslim funeral have one thing in common ie give their last respect to the dead and remembering them for who and what they contributed to the family, giving closure to the family. In another word, acceptance of the death!

I reached home on the 3rd day after my mother passed away. Usually the Chinese in Malaysia keep the body lying-in-state for at least 3 days. We kept our mother's body in the home for 5 days. Keeping for 7 days may be pushing it to the limit, usually most people have the wake for 5 days to enable people to pay their last respect for that duration. I was initially not happy with the funeral arrangement and the rites performed for my mother. It was a Taoist funeral rites which I know my mother did not like. It's too noisy and too superstitious. Me and my sister from the UK initially felt uneasy as we know it's not my mother wants. We were quite upset with the old man. We were wondering why he's not doing anything while we here we have to kneel down on a thin mat, holding the burning joss sticks and bowing many many times not knowing the meaning of the chants chanted by the Taoist priests. At one point, I thought the Taoist priest wanted me to chant and sing with him. I did tried humming the chant unsuccessfully! Silly me, tried to be a Taoist priest for my mother's funeral!
I was not happy during the first day back and I snap at the old man for choosing this funeral rites. I remember that my mother would prefer an eulogy and quiet funeral rather than the scary and superstitious Taoist funeral procession. My mother had no choice in this and I said to myself, the old man screwed us over again, just like any other times. However, all the misunderstanding was cleared up by my Aunt Lucy. She told me that the Taoist rites comes as part of the package. The funeral director asked my father whether he wanted a Buddhist funeral rites or the Taoist one. My father decided that Taoist rites were better for my mother and also me and my sister Min was not around to make the decisions. So all of us have to play along with it. According to Cheryl, the Taoist funeral rites was not all scary, it's actually distraction from the sadness. Looking back at it, I couldn't agree more. It went on for hours and the things we do were quite interesting. We ran around a small minature bridge and pluck leaves from a tree. Throw coins into a cup and do the merry go round around the bridge. Pulling a piece of paper up the minature bridge and later the Taoist priest assistance broke a boiling porcelain pot into pieces. Burning the miniature house for my mother, opening the eyes of her servants, male and female,plus the driver.

In between the ceremonies, managed to catch up with visitors and relatives. Actually, give me a choice, I prefer the Buddhist or even the Christian way of burial. Simple and sweet as I call it. I attended Western style funeral and it's way different than my mother's funeral. My mother has a combination of Buddhist, Taoist and a little Chritianity on the side. Sister Enda, the ex-principal from my mother's old school where she used to work as a school teacher gave a eulogy which I strongly feel my mother would appreciate. Anyway, my mother would be proud to have a multitude of religious style given for her funeral. People say that funerals and weddings are the most important days of any human being.

The 3rd and 4th day of the wake seems to be an interesting event for me when I was back in KL. It's a sad situation but out of it we find a light of hope and humour in the darkest days!

  It's been a long time since I written anything on my editorial site. It's been nearly 6 months since I add any interesting and for people to know about my life events. 21st of June 2009 is a day that changed my life forever. It's a day that I will remember for a very very long time and the feeling is hard to describe in words. For 32 years I've known this lady. After 32 years, she decide to leave me to fend for myself and go on the longest journey all of us must take eventually. She left everything behind her and embark on a journey where most people can only speculate and only dream off.  Finally, no more pain or suffering of the body, a relief from the anguish and emotional pain.

24 hours before she left us, the sky was clear, a crescent moon with a star or planet was seen over the horizon in the early morning of the 20th of June. The very next morning, I received a phone call from my dad saying that she finally left us to fend for ourselves. That day felt like the light of day was taken from me and now I'm feeling the loss of a person whom I call mother/mummy! The fact of knowing someone is not coming back to speak to you directly or the phone forever changed the dynamics of my life.

The journey back to KL was one of the saddest moments for me. Accompanying me was my wife who constantly supported me through this ordeal of loosing a parent. Being motherless for 24 hours is hard to swallow. Staring out from the hotel window waiting for tuesday to come, watching the cars and life passing by, telling me that despite her gone, the world just continue evolving in a revolution kind of style. The rain in Gold Coast got heavier and heavier giving a sign that the earth cried for my mother's passing on. Finally the day to fly back to KL came and I was itching to get home to see my mother for one last time. It's just fate that I was unable to hold and kiss her one last time before she left for her long journey. It's a regret I have to bear for the rest of my life. Living in Australia, working and having a life here has it's price.

Landing in the airport, greeted by my little sister, I realised how important family is to us. Usually my old man will pick me up and I will get to call my mother the moment I land. This time, no more calls to my mother and my old man not there to receive me. For 12 years my old man always pick me up from the airport whenever I return from Australia. This journey was now considered different than any other journeys I've done before. I have to wait for another 2 more hours for my sister Min from UK as her flight arrival was not too far away. Driving back from the airport to the home, a reddish evening sun was seen. A different kind of feeling, hard to described in words. Finally reached home and noticed my KL/PJ home became a funeral palour. 6 months ago it was a wedding house and now it was solemn and dark, with my mother's picture in front of her coffin.

That's the last time I said to my mum that I'm back home!

It's been a long time since I wrote something on this website. I think maybe I ran out of idea or got too preoccupied with working. 6 more weeks and both of us will be in KL. Cheryl haven't seen my parents and my side of my family. It would be an interesting event. The wedding date is set for the 28th December. I cannot believe how fast the year 2008 has passed. It's already end of October and only 2 months left in the year.

For the past 2 months I've been working in the Paediatrics, Obstetrics & Gynaecology ward. I particularly dislike mondays, most people do anyway because it's the start of the week after the weekend. I thought to myself, another day, another monday. Suddenly something interesting happened during mid-day, just before lunch. An angry looking lady brought a 4 year old child into the ward. The child vomited in the play area and the nurse asked the mother and her kids, including the one that vomited to go to the single room. The mother was not particularly happy with the nurse. It got worse after the nurse started cleaning up the mess and also wiping the toys for hygienic reasons but also preventing other children from getting any gastro bugs. The mother got very annoyed with the nurse and started accusing the nurse of treating her and her kids as outcasts. She yelled at the nurse and abused the nurse. I went over to find out what was the problem about and here I have an angry mother who lack judgement and understanding letting of her frustration towards the nurse. She can be considered a ferral person from her appearance and demeanor. She defended herself by saying that she's known to be a rude person and people have to put up with it. Being professional, doctors and nurses cannot yell back or scold back, as it would be considered as unprofessional conduct. So medical staffs have to put up with it or tolerate it. It's just part of the daily life of working in the hospital. Doctors occasionally get yell at but I think nurses bear the full brunt of the patient's family member's anger.
After some effort and negotiation with the angry mother, I managed to discharge her child and also the angry mother. Before she left the ward, out of nowhere, one of the parents of other sick kids in the ward confronted the angry mother and scolded her for being unreasonable. An argument broke out and it was as though a fight between two ladies would start. Luckily it didn't because if it does, me and the nurse have to call security or have to pull them apart. The other parents intention were good as to defend the nurse's actions but the way that parent expressed herself was no different than the other parent. The parent who scolded the ferral parent looked like a "Boggan". The typical "boggan-looking" type are people who are a little overweight and act rough. Well the other parent has those characteristics of a "boggan". Eventhough she was a "boggan-looking type" but I'm glad she stood up against the ferral mother by telling her off.

Interesting situation of a "boggan mum" vs "ferral mum".

Some people said that boggans and ferral are the same but from my observation, there are some differences.

For the past 2 weekends I've been driving from Gympie to Brisbane just for yum cha aka tim sum. Last saturday I brought Mehrdad and Pretty George to taste yum cha and try converting them to the Chinese tongue. I was quite surprised that they never used a chopstick before, so Cheryl and me had to teach them how to use the chopsticks. We brought them to the Buddhist temple at Underwood.
Today we went down again for Yum Cha and this time with Savio and his siblings, cousins and another friend. Savio has many friends and has a very social attitude. One thing his siblings and friends have something to say about dear old Savio, he's always smilling, happy, hence a happy-go-lucky guy.

  I haven't been coming writing on my editorials for quite some times. The reasons were due to lack of ideas on what to write and also forgotten to update interesting events or situations which occurred. It's like having a diary, updating on things or events on a regular basis. Well, I guess I'm writing again as I came up with some ideas to sum up the experience I had for the past 2 months. The last entry was in May so I will sum up June and July's events.

My 31st Birthday was not so eventful, just another year passing by. Additional 1 to my 30! Cheryl made my birthday eventful especially when she gave me a surprise with my favourite cake, yes the Black Forest cake and a Celine Dion CD.

In June, there were interesting events that happened out of the sudden. The arrival of Savio, my good old friend from Adelaide. This old friend suddenly appeared in the morning meetings in Gympie Hospital. A familiar face is a good thing and Savio did bring some adventure to my life in Gympie. After finishing the Emergency rotation, I went on to Obstetrics & Gynaecology, Paediatrics. I'm currently the sole doctor with paediatrics experience in Gympie. I got to make friends with the Director of Paediatrics from Nambour Hospital, Dr. Tom Hurley. Reminded me of my old boss Dr.Smiley and Dr.Grieve whom I hold them in high regards. In some ways I'm looking for a new teacher to guide me in my quest to become a paediatrician. I've decided to make my new goal ie becoming a paediatrician. The GP training AGPT has lost my 3 referees report. This is the second time the AGPT caused a bungle in my applications for GP training. Initially they told me that I didn't have my permanent residency and lack experience. Now even with more experience, including paediatrics, they do not want me. I think maybe I'm not destined to become a GP. Terry told me that if you want a dead end job writing scripts and hearing chest sounds, become a GP.

At the end of June and early July, Cheryl decide to move up with me to Gympie Southside Hospital  Villa  because the land lady in Maroochydore decide to up the rent by 110%.  To me this old lady can be considered a mean and spiteful lady. Living  for 6 months in  her place and under her roof  was  an uncomfortable affair. After 11 years of living independently, living  or sharing with a landlord is not my idea of a good life. I think I'm glad to gain back my full independent living. No internet restriction, no phone restriction imposed and no need to pay any rental, can save up for a brand new house if I can reach the target, which brings me to another new goal, owning a house. I have two cars already and now it's time to own a house. Hopefully it will work out well as I finally paid Uncle Lee Kim all I have owed with interest as well.

A new phase of life has began and the new phase in the 30s  is married life and hopefully is a happily married life.