Wen Chien's Editorials

It's been more than 100 days since the departure of my beloved mother. I feel like a time traveller! Most of the time I can only travel from the present to the past. Occasionally can travel to the future but as we all know, the future is always very uncertain. There are time we can "predict" the future. These are called projected outcome. More like a self-fulfilling prophesy rather than seeing into the future. The rules of this time travel game is simple. You can go back to the past but cannot change it. You can go to the future but you can change it to some point. I remember Uncle Lee Kim told me that 10% of the time, you cannot change things. But 90% of the time you can choose to react to the situation, change things, express, slow down, etc. So we have some autonomy in our lives rather than leaving to fate, destiny, luck etc. Unfortunately, we cannot change things in the past, as the Buddha taught us about life in general. We cannot really change the future either as it has not come and things change as time goes by. We have to live in the present, cherishing the ones still alive and living life to the fullest as we do not know when the end will come! Working with the sick and dying give me a valuable perspective on life. Experiencing death of a loved one also changed my opinion and outlook in life.
One thing we can always look forward in life is hope for a better future, honour the dead for their sacrifices as without them, there is no us in the present and maybe no future for our future generations!
Live for nothing, die for something! (Rambo IV)

It's been about 3 months plus since the death of my beloved mother. It's a strange feeling, very foreign to encounter this feeling. I went back to KL for the tombstone placement (as the eldest in the family) and I felt the loss. For the first time, going back to KL/PJ not seeing my mother in her bed/house but seeing her in a new place ie Nilai Memorial Park. Life definately is not the same! It's different, it's not usual, it's unbelievable but it is the fact, the fact of life that we cannot run away from! I remember Dr.Butler told me that it's always there, the feeling of loss! No matter what you do, where you go, in space or in a different planet, it's not going away. The fact is she's gone, and you are not going to see her for a very very long time, perhaps never in this coming lifetime or the next. Is it fair or unfair, that begs the question. It's hard luck and we have to deal with it.

When I got back to KL, the story didn't end there. It's only the beginning of another journey in life. Funerals are meant to be a time for us to recollect the good memories about the deceased. There are many different funeral practices. Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Hindu and Muslim funeral have one thing in common ie give their last respect to the dead and remembering them for who and what they contributed to the family, giving closure to the family. In another word, acceptance of the death!

I reached home on the 3rd day after my mother passed away. Usually the Chinese in Malaysia keep the body lying-in-state for at least 3 days. We kept our mother's body in the home for 5 days. Keeping for 7 days may be pushing it to the limit, usually most people have the wake for 5 days to enable people to pay their last respect for that duration. I was initially not happy with the funeral arrangement and the rites performed for my mother. It was a Taoist funeral rites which I know my mother did not like. It's too noisy and too superstitious. Me and my sister from the UK initially felt uneasy as we know it's not my mother wants. We were quite upset with the old man. We were wondering why he's not doing anything while we here we have to kneel down on a thin mat, holding the burning joss sticks and bowing many many times not knowing the meaning of the chants chanted by the Taoist priests. At one point, I thought the Taoist priest wanted me to chant and sing with him. I did tried humming the chant unsuccessfully! Silly me, tried to be a Taoist priest for my mother's funeral!
I was not happy during the first day back and I snap at the old man for choosing this funeral rites. I remember that my mother would prefer an eulogy and quiet funeral rather than the scary and superstitious Taoist funeral procession. My mother had no choice in this and I said to myself, the old man screwed us over again, just like any other times. However, all the misunderstanding was cleared up by my Aunt Lucy. She told me that the Taoist rites comes as part of the package. The funeral director asked my father whether he wanted a Buddhist funeral rites or the Taoist one. My father decided that Taoist rites were better for my mother and also me and my sister Min was not around to make the decisions. So all of us have to play along with it. According to Cheryl, the Taoist funeral rites was not all scary, it's actually distraction from the sadness. Looking back at it, I couldn't agree more. It went on for hours and the things we do were quite interesting. We ran around a small minature bridge and pluck leaves from a tree. Throw coins into a cup and do the merry go round around the bridge. Pulling a piece of paper up the minature bridge and later the Taoist priest assistance broke a boiling porcelain pot into pieces. Burning the miniature house for my mother, opening the eyes of her servants, male and female,plus the driver.

In between the ceremonies, managed to catch up with visitors and relatives. Actually, give me a choice, I prefer the Buddhist or even the Christian way of burial. Simple and sweet as I call it. I attended Western style funeral and it's way different than my mother's funeral. My mother has a combination of Buddhist, Taoist and a little Chritianity on the side. Sister Enda, the ex-principal from my mother's old school where she used to work as a school teacher gave a eulogy which I strongly feel my mother would appreciate. Anyway, my mother would be proud to have a multitude of religious style given for her funeral. People say that funerals and weddings are the most important days of any human being.

The 3rd and 4th day of the wake seems to be an interesting event for me when I was back in KL. It's a sad situation but out of it we find a light of hope and humour in the darkest days!